D.I.Y Dating Cocktails

Peace Out! Predicament

Someone didn’t get the memo that this was meant to be a date.  You endure thoroughly disrespectful behavior – lateness, foul language, flirting with the wait staff – all around deplorable.  Has this every happened to you?  Even more surprising is if this behavior is exhibited by someone you know, or at least, thought you knew.  Obviously, you would want to scream or hit something!  And who would blame you?  But, remember that it’s a date, and we are not immune from bad behavior, this can happen to anyone.  Luckily, if this should happen to you, my advice will allow you to plan a free-as-a-bird getaway.

The Ingredients

1.      Essentials:  bad behavior -- foul language, unwanted sexual advances, wandering eye, intrusion by your date’s past or present friends or lovers, texting/talking on the cell, drunkenness

2.      Timing:  lateness with no excuse or apology, no-show

3.      Who’s joining you for this date: new acquaintance, friend, former or current sexual partner

4.      The atmosphere:  awkward silence,  uncomfortable, tense, distant

5.      Interaction with each other: combative, utter silence, annoyance

6.      Avoiding a confrontation: honesty, make-up an excuse, get up and walk out, end the evening early

7.      Transportation: alternate transportation, extra cash for a cab,

8.      The getaway: friend-on-call, backup activity with friends, backup date

Here’s A Possible Recipe:

Wandering Eye, Unapologetic lateness, New Acquaintance, Awkward Silence, Utter Silence, Honesty, Cab, Back-up Activity with friends

Tip: When things like this happen the best refuge is people and places that give you comfort and allow you to re-group.  I do not recommend going directly home after a bad date.  Instead, shake it off.  Try venting to a good friend, or pulling up a stool at your favorite bar.  Dating disappointments have less of an impact mentally when you move on quickly and don’t allow them to fester in your psyche.

Come Go With Me...

Grand Cru  åååå out of 5

527 East Belvedere Avenue
Baltimore, MD 21212

(410)464-1944

grandcrubaltimore.com

The Scene:

Grand Cru, located in Belvedere Square is a swanky neighborhood hangout spot for wine and beer lovers.  It serves up fancy small plates and even fancier cocktail concoctions.  Too trendy to be a bar, and too laid back to be a lounge, this place has upscale swagger.

The Vibe:

The vibe is a bit yuppie-ish, but the atmosphere is great for conversation and drinking.  The musical selections will range from WuTang Clan to Adele.  You can either sip indoors or outdoors.  But if you are looking to be in the fresh air, you better get there early.

Best For:

After Work Get-Together

Before the Movie Drinks

Blind Date Preview

Laid-Back Conversation

Highlights:

Great Wine Selection

Tastings

Creative Cocktails

Fridays during the Summer  - live music

Table Manners:

The bartenders are friendly, engaging, and knowledgeable when it comes to beer and wine selection. 

The Tab:

Moderate - The small plates and drinks are reasonably priced.  If you bring your own wine there is a $5 uncorking fee.

If you enjoy your liquor and a friendly atmosphere this is a neighborhood bar worth visiting.    

D.I.Y Dating Cocktails

Catching Up Over Cocktails

Reconnecting with a former love interest can provide a thrilling opportunity for sharing familiar memories while sipping a few cocktails.  For some, the reunion provides a chance to consider what might have been and decide if another go-round is worth it.  Fortunately, technology makes it easier than ever to reconnect with those from the past.

Undoubtedly, some will use this occasion to indulge in frisky, but hopefully not risky, sexual behavior.  But there are other options to this scenario -- new beginnings, closing that chapter, reminiscing about days gone by and handling unfinished business. Take a cue from a pro; this situation is all about timing.

The Ingredients

1.      Romance: green light, off limits

2.      Time: a quick drink, a few hours, all night long

3.      History: old flame, secret admirer, friends with benefits

4.      The location:  lounge, club, bar, your place or theirs, hotel

5.      Interaction with each other: strictly conversation, frisky, sexual, combination

6.      The vibe that night: not interested, wait and see, start off easy, time to make a move

7.      Finance: free, going Dutch, splurge

Here’s A Possible Recipe:

Green Light, All Night Long, Old Flame, Your Place, Combo, Make A Move, Splurge

Tip: Be cautious when reuniting with an old flame.  If you were emotionally, physically, or financially scarred because of the relationship, I strongly advise against the reunion.  Further, if it is not the right time, or you are not in a good “place” avoid the temptation to relive past mistakes instead of past glories.  If the prior relationship ended on good terms, however, then I say enjoy your night and safe sex is the best sex!!!!!

Come Go With Me...

Mr. Rain’s Fun House  åååå out of 5

800 Key Highway
Baltimore, MD 21230

(443) 524-7379

mrrainsfunhouse.com

The Scene:

Mr. Rain’s Fun House, located inside the American Visionary Arts Museum (AVAM) is a magical feast for the eyes -- mosaic animal heads greet you when you first walk in the entrance.  Walls are painted in vibrant colors like pink and orange, and the aroma of fresh spices waft through the air.  The restaurant is just as it is named a fun house!   Foodies: you will enjoy this hidden gem.  The bold menu is extremely inventive and meant for those who have a unique palate.  The cocktails are referred to as “elixirs” and that is for good reason.  These drinks are otherworldly concoctions that are deliciously potent. 

The Vibe:

The vibe is quirky and unusual to say the least.  The food, the staff, the menu, the décor and the location is like something straight out of Alice in Wonderland.

Best For:

Evening Mischief

Whimsical Meet-and-Greet

Tempting a Tease

Private Moments

Highlights:

Cocktails on the Terrace – begins April 20th

Meet the Artist Series

Brunch

Table Manners:

The bartenders and wait staff are just as eclectic punk funky as the restaurant’s décor and extremely helpful when you have questions about the unique menu.

The Tab:

Pricey - The food and drinks are on the splurge side of entertaining, however lunch is an affordable option if you want a preview.

Mr. Rain’s Fun House is fun, funky, and a total culinary experience, if you are looking for something completely out of the realm of mundane dining.

Follow That Single!
Celebrity Dating Trends - Cougars
These cougars are likely to have fun and garner lots of attention because of their good-looking companions.  When seen in the arms of a younger man, there is no need for shock and awe.  They are simply flexing their dating muscles.  And why not, their male counterparts have been doing it for centuries.  Ladies, if you do decide to become a cougar to a cub find someone that will not only lift your spirits, but one who is a brilliant compliment to your effortless elegance or ferocious fearlessness.

AVOID

Who:   Linda Hogan

What: Girls & Their Boy Toys

Linda Hogan and Charlie Hill

After finalizing her divorce from wrestler Hulk Hogan, how did this cougar celebrate?  She paraded her 19-year-old boyfriend in front of the paparazzi.  The sorted details of the marriage, the divorce, and the new love were played out like a soap-opera for the media. The boyfriend a former class-mate of her daughter Brooke is living quite lavishly thanks to the former Mrs. Hogan.

Why: There is a right way and a wrong way to show off your newly single crown.

If you feel the need to flaunt your new love than do it, but not at the expense of others, especially your children.

EMBRACE

Who:   Janet Jackson    

Janet Jackson and Wissam Al Mana

What: The Pop Star & the Billionaire

Ms. Jackson has an eclectic list of exes:  Jermaine Dupri, Rene Elizondo, James Debarge, even a rumored brief affair with Justin Timberlake.  And we know how most of these ended.  Let’s hope she’s finally met her match with Billionaire Wissam Al Mana.  He is fine, 10 years her junior, and seems to treat her with the respect that she is due.  Not bad for a 45-year-old Diva!

Why:  Regardless of the missteps in your past, stay hopeful.  Given time and clarity there will be someone who will bring the pep back to your strut and the smile back on your face.

EXPLORE

Who:  Madonna

What: The Classic Cougar

Madonna

At the age of 52 this mega superstar is the mother of reinvention -- not only does she take risk with her career, but her love life gets a rebel make-over as well.  The latest young one to grace her list of paramours is 24-year old French break dancer Brahim Zaibat.

               Why:  In the end, it all boils down to living and loving the way you choose to -- don't let others dictate when, how, and who to love.  If you natually accept your choices to date outside the boundaries of age so will others around you. 

Hit The Spot Solutions

Many midlife singles want to date, but between raising children or busy careers most are convinced that they don’t have time to date.   Some singles aren’t sure how to approach dating or where to turn for help.  To make the most out of your super sexy single life, check out my expert advice and remember “love less, date more.”

Q. I have tried on-line dating with very little success, and now I am considering the assistance of a matchmaker.  Are matchmakers worth a try?

  A. It sounds to me like you are having trouble finding your dating niche; i.e. an approach that is well suited to your interest and social nature.  Are you dating for recreation or to find a mate? 

One of the main reasons I created the Dating Cocktails blog was that I felt that a lot of singles were being left out of the discussion.  Singles have varied reasons for dating, and all should be included in the conversation.  All daters should be able to carve out their own paths for happiness and find the best ways to showcase their personalities.

The main goal in using a matchmaker is to find love, possibly marriage.  They can be extremely pricey, ranging from $100 to $6,000 or more, and there are no guarantees that you will find the perfect mate.  So do your research and interview a few before you decide to use one. 

If, however, your main objective is casual dating, then forgo the matchmaker, save yourself the extra expense and try an interactive ice breaker party for singles, i.e. speed dating, lock and key parties, or join a local meet-up group.  These events range in cost from $10 to $50 and are great beginner steps when it comes to the dating process.

Q. In addition to running a successful business, I’m a single mother of 9-year-old twins and a toddler.  I just started dating again, but I’m having difficulties finding time to date when I already have an extremely full schedule?

  A. The simple answer is to closely examine your schedule for times to carve out an hour or two for dating.  Take advantage of the flexibility that comes with owning your own business.  Just as you schedule important events for your business, schedule important events for your dating life.  Abandon the misconception that dating opportunities just happen.  You have to be available for them to happen.  If it’s important to you, plan for it so that it accommodates your business and your children.  Consider non-traditional dating hours.  For example, if you work evening or weekends, you may need to look at early morning or mid-day for dating.  If you work a more traditional 9 to 5 schedule, lunch or happy-hour dates would work best for you.  Don’t be shy about calling in a favor from a relative or friend who’s willing to baby-sit or if necessary pay for childcare.

D.I.Y Dating Cocktail

Nightlife Oasis

Dancing the night away and getting my drink on at a club used to be the perfect idea of a fun night on the town.  However, there comes a time when what was once an exciting nightlife, just isn’t as much fun as it use to be.  The crowd isn’t as lively, available cuties are nonexistent, and the DJ isn’t rocking any good booty shaking music. 

So, why has something that use to bring so much pleasure lost its zest?  Turns out it’s not the club, it’s you!  It isn’t that times have changed, it’s the fact that you have.  The key to getting your groove back is reinterpreting your new idea of fun to match the lifestyle and attitudes you currently possess. The flavor of fun is so much sweeter when you know what activities satisfy your appetite!

The Ingredients

1.      Figure out the essentials:  music, dancing, food, alcohol or all of the above

2.      Then factor in time: early night, late night, after hours

3.      Whose joining you for this outing: solo, friends, acquaintance

4.      The atmosphere:  lounge, club, restaurant, outdoors

5.      Interaction with others: yes or no

6.      Your personal vibe that night: lively or subdued

7.      Finance: free, bargain, splurge

Here’s A Possible Recipe:

Music, After Hours, Friends, Outdoors, Yes, Lively, Free

If you live in the Maryland, Washington DC, Virginia area try The Vigil (All Night Music Festival), Friday April 8th, 8pm to 7am outdoors at Maryland Institute College of Art.  FREE EVENT fyi.mica.edu/event/the_vigil

Tip: If you plan to pull an all-nighter, wear the proper clothes and shoes, bring snacks and water, bring a chair, and charge the cell.  If you’re looking to mingle, have quick, easy, on-the-spot hygiene boosters – e.g. hand sanitizer, wipes, single-use toothbrushes, breath spray, gum and mints.

Hit The Spot Solutions

People often fixate on the wrong things when planning a date, when all that matters is that you show up to have a good time.  Often it’s the novelty of the location, the small details like opening the car door, and stimulating conversation that make for a richer experience.  To reap the benefits of the Dating Cocktails method, add a little creativity, stir in some flexibility, avoid the madness and remember “love less, date more.”

Q. About a year ago, I lost my job due to the recession.  Is there any way for me to have a social life with the few pennies I still have left in my pockets?

  A. Definitely, all you need is a few hookups and a little research!  Check out the internet and the local city paper for free events in your area.  If you are looking for cheap eats, timing is everything.

No frills dining – If Mother Nature is smiling upon you with great weather, take a drive to the farmers market, a festival, or visit a gourmet food truck. 

Concerts in The Park – You don’t have to pay top dollar to see an eclectic mix of national performers.  During the spring and summer months many cities will offer free concerts at outdoor venues.

Happy-Hour – If you desire fancy fare cheap, then visit the trendier restaurants during happy hours (usually 5pm to 7pm).   Appetizers and cocktails are usually 50% less than what you would normally pay.

Movie Screenings – Winter or spring, summer or fall, we all can enjoy the cinema.  Search the internet, call the radio stations, and look in the local papers for complimentary tickets for movie premiers.

Q. I have an extremely bad habit of talking about past relationships when I’m on a date.  I try to avoid talking about my past all together, but when the subject comes up and I hear the other person divulge personal stories, I feel obligated to share as well.  I think I say way too much because I never seem to get asked out for a second date. 

   A. You are not alone! I actually get asked this question a lot.  The best advice is to choose activities that aren’t conversation driven.  For example, if you are at a romantic dinner with low lighting and a quiet atmosphere, sometimes we feel the need to talk, and talk, and talk.  Before you even realize it, you have told the person all the dirty details that have led you to be single.   And on a first date that is definitely not appropriate!  Instead plan or suggest an activity that is interactive and busy.  For instance, many bars will hold game nights or try a pajama brunch.  Imagine rolling right out of bed and driving straight to breakfast, all the while still in your pj’s.  This comfy and deliciously themed brunch alternative is something fun that restaurants offer, you will be so busy participating in the festivities that you won’t even think about discussing the past

Sexual Famine

As I am sure you are all aware, the U.S. is in the midst of a famine.  Have you not heard?  Well, let me fill you in.  It’s a “Sex Famine.”  At least, that was the consensus expressed by a panel of experts (Dr. Phil, Dr. Oz, Suze Orman) on a rerun of Oprah’s All Stars this past weekend.  It was quite an interesting discussion.  Nearly 60% of the audience polled responded they had sex one day a week or less.   I’m sure many of you reading this are thinking “Yup that would be me!” 

Unfortunately, they excluded singles from the discussion, which was primarily focused on married/committed couples.  WTH, do singles not deserve a solution for sexual famine?  According to these experts, having sex 3-4 times a week can add years to your life.  Marriage/commitment doesn't have to be the deciding factor in whether or not we indulge in sexual behavior.

Dr. Phil made the comment “women need a reason to and men need a place.”  I couldn’t agree more!  Everyone deserves to have a sexual release and the only way that is going to happen is by maintaining a connection with your libido mentally and physically.  I don’t know about you, but I want to add years on to my life, too!

Hit The Spot Solutions

It’s spring again and after the harsh winter we just had, it’s definitely time for a little sunshine and casual stimulation.  If you’ve spent most of the winter hibernating, now is the time for a transition plan.  Ease into spring by reinvigorating your social life, and remember “love less, date more.”

Q. Nearly three years ago, before my 41^st birthday I met a great woman, who since has become a wonderful platonic companion.  Recently, the subject of all the sex we haven’t been having came up at dinner.  She said that she’s not asking for commitment, but would like some intimacy.  What should I do? I enjoy the relationship the way it is -- our connection is more verbal than physical.  How do I approach this situation without potentially loosing what I consider a great set-up?

   A. I sure wish I could have been there for that conversation.  My sense is that you haven’t fully explained to your friend that you’re not sexually attracted to her.  In my book Dating Cocktails: A Singles Guide for Mixing & Mingling in the Midlife I describe the twelve types of casual relationships.  Your situation is the classic “Companionship” type – at least for you.  There is a great sense of comfort in this relationship because it provides a good balance of friendship and appreciation for one another’s company; however it excludes sexual gratification.

More than likely, she already feels a certain amount of emotional “intimacy” with you and would like to add sex to the mix.  Despite her assurances, a desire on her part for a commitment will likely follow.  Tell her how much you appreciate the friendship, but that you have no plans for sex.  Explain that you enjoy her company, but you want to keep the relationship the way it is.  Avoid the temptation to soft peddle your lack of interest in sex in order to spare her feelings.  Any hedging on your part will likely leave her with false hope and merely prolong the issue instead of settling it.  I hope your friend understands and chooses to remain friends, but if she doesn’t, you should prepare yourself for the possibility that the relationship will end.

Q. I am a 38-year-old personal trainer who has been using sex as a dating substitute for the last 5 years.  Basically, I get straight to fulfilling my sexual needs, rather than establishing relationships.  I don’t require dinner or a movie, it’s been fun, but I’m ready to date again.  How do I modify my behavior in order to start dating again?

   A. The first question you should be asking yourself isn’t how to modify your behavior, but what circumstances led to your decision not to date at all for the past 5 years?  A lot of times failed or bad relationships trigger emotional or sexual conduct that we assume will fix the issue, essentially spare us pain.  More often than not, however, those emotional and sexual choices are a way of distancing ourselves from what is the true source of the problem.  If that is the case, before you begin to date you need to put closure to what led you to your current situation, or else your dating experience will be disappointing, and you will likely seek refuge in purely sexual relationships again.

Once you have achieved closure, begin your dating efforts by going to singles mixers.